i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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