have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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