im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
