Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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