well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
