You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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