Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We need to rekindle our bromance
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
