last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
