as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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