I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
