I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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