You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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