What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
