New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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