That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
