feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
