you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
