Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this boner is exhausting
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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