So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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