She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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