Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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