How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
