if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
