There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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