walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
