the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dignity is for republicans.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
