You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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