Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This is my gift to your gina
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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