When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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