Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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