Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
