I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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