I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
