when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
