Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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