pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
