Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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