I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
