My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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