my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
