I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
