i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
