Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
