i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
