What did we do last night that was yellow?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
