a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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