thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
