you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
