I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
