using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
