I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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