lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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