I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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