Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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