I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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