apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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