tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How's work?
Spinning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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