I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
