yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
