What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
