Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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