i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
