I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
