We named our party play list daddy issues
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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