Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
